If you are looking at this page using a computer/cellphone/tablet that your partner might access, make sure to delete your browser and search history. If you have the feeling your partner is monitoring your online activities, check out this page for more information.
Ask yourself some of the following questions:
(source: Refuge)
Answering yes to any of these questions can indicate that you are experiencing abuse. However, no matter the result, if you feel unsafe in your home or with your partner, you should seek support.
If you have already found a perpetrator programme your partner could attend, that's great. If you haven't, check our members list or you can search our programme database.
Find your country and see if there are any programmes in your country. If they are in your country, but not in your town, send them an e-mail or call to see if they know of services closer to home. They are used to being contacted about these things. If you can't find a programme in your country, send us an e-mail and we will ask around to find out if there is a programme suited to your needs in your country or area.
Please be aware that your partner may react aggressively or violently to the suggestion of visiting a perpetrator programme. You should consider calling a local women's support service to help you with the conversation and strategies to stay safe.
In Europe, you can find help in the WAVE support services database. Outside of Europe, search online for a domestic violence support service. Remember to delete the browser and search history from your devices (more info above).
A perpetrator programme will not magically turn your partner into a non-violent person. However, it offers him the chance to talk about his actions, reflect on them and try to come to terms with his abusive behaviour. The programme will support your partner in
The programme should challenge your partner’s ways of thinking and behaving in a way, which enables him to change.
Beware that your partner might try to keep you from leaving him, using his participation in the perpetrator programme as leverage. Nevertheless, remember: You do not owe your partner a relationship because he is working on himself. The process to a less violent life benefits him and if he is trying to influence and pressure you, he is still being abusive.
A good perpetrator programme